I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
