So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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