The maid of honor just puked.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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