he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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