So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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