He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
