When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
