apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
