i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
