one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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