She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
