He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
