Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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