Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
