I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
