I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
