You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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