How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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