dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
the day after is always just damage control
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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