I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
