A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I will be naked everywhere
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
