the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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