you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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