im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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