you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
