Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
