it wasn't lemon gatorade
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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