I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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