umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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