the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So vagazzling was a success
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
