For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Couch. On fire.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I love you.
Bad choice
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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