I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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