By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
