Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
