I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There are leaves in my underwear?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
