just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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