quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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