so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
