Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
