I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
