Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
