I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
be right there i have to get my cape
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
