I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
