Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
