The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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