she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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