matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
