clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
