i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
