I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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